Cow Pond-ering

Shamoooo ain’t got nothin’ on me. I hoofed down to the water’s edge and was dipping my udder like a tea bag, trying to cool off in this Florida heat, and it got me thinking about the Tea Party. When was the last time you herd anything from them? I was all for the moooovement but I don’t know where they moooooved to.

They must’ve high-tailed it over to the next county, cuz we ain’t seen hide nor hair of ‘em around here.  One thing about ‘em, you know what side of the fence they’re on. You want some cream with that?

 

Happy Cowlintine’s Day

My boyfriend, one of them Spanish bulls (he calls himself a “Toro”), is moooooey in love with me and and says he wants to make mooooocho amoooore. I told him to hold his horses. I mean what the hay? I’m not that easily swept off my hooves. But don’t get me wrong, I can take a bull by the horns if you know what I mean…

But if some young bull really wants to impress me, he better not show up at my stall with his tail swishing between his hind legs. He better have a box of milk chocolates and a clover bouquet at least. These udders are real, baby!

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Happy Moo Year with Pres. Obamoo

This cud be a really good year. When I first herd about the president’s Bale-Out Plan I hoofed it on over to the local feed & seed to put in my order for five big round bales of Kansas Sweet Clover Red. After standing in line head-to-tail for an hour, I filled out a new government form to see if I qualify. Come back next week.

Chew on this…

Walter Mooondale

Y’all might think I’m grazy but I sh-udder to think what may come this November. I’m sure that John Raisin’ McCain is a pretty good cowboy and all that and Sarah Palin-It-On is a good looker no doubt. Barack Obamoo & Joe Biden-His-Time cud milk it for all it’s worth but I still believe ol’ Walter Mooondale is the right man for the job.

I’ve got a pork barrel out in the barnyard – Bossie

A Horse Trapped in a Cow’s Body

Hay. I was talking to LaCream Abdul Milkbar recently and he insisted that all Hindus are sacred. I think he’s been smoking the grass rather than eating it. I laughed so hard milk spurted out of my nose. The next thing you know, he’ll be on Oprah claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow’s body. Ever since my own appearance on the show he’s been muy jealous.

To moo is to be. Or is it: to be is to moo? – Bossie

Anudder Implant

I was laying around in the hay last night listening to some good mooosic playing my Moooody Blues and Moootley Crew CDs when my first cousin, once remooooooved, stopped by to see if I wanted to grab a bite at the calf-a-teria.

She was quite a fashion statement wearing her fancy moo-moo and showing off her new lip job. She really put on a show, dancing around like a cowlerina showing off yet anudder new implant. She even had a dab of A-1 sauce behind each ear. Today she is the laughing stock of the entire herd.

I thought she was becoming dyslexic because she kept going “ooooommmm”. Then I herd from a coworker that she has attained enlightenment. I hope so. Maybe things will be butter around here.

Humans: the Udder White Meat – Bossie

I Cudda Dung Butter

Just anudder day. I’ve got so many fans following me around I decided to take to the hoof. But my escape attempt over barb wire last night ended up in udder destruction. I’m not cow-ardly but the next time I want to mooove on, I’m using the gate.

   ”A Nosey Fan”

I sure cud use a milk dud… – Bossie

Deja Moo!

I’ve been here before. Now they’re calling me a prima donna! They heifer lot of nerve saying that. Nothing could be fodder from the truth. Just because I’m de-calf-inated, it doesn’t mean my milk is spoiled. It’s time to MOOve on! I wasn’t grazed in a barn you know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know my worth. I don’t drive to work in a MOOstang or on the back seat of a Cow-askai MOOtorcycle, I ride in the backseat of a CATTLElac. Bunch of MOOrons. They need to be trying to butter me up instead up trying to stirrup trouble. What a bunch of bull-oney!

Aside from them being cheezy, and grazing close to bad taste, they cud have done better than that. Oh well, I guess the honeyMOOn is over.

Does anyone have a lollipop? -Bossie

Back from L.A.

I just got back from Cowlifornia and boy is my tail dragging! There seems to be a peculiar udder in this room… poisonous dairy-air! 

I stopped in at the Playboy Mansion and met Hugh Heifer. He’s a nice guy but a little bullimic. The last thing he said to me was: “man ‘ure great last night!” That guy is always in the moooooed for more.

I couldn’t believe how hard it is to get into the mansion. They told me that since they heard I was coming they had to beef up security. I told ‘em they were just spinning their veals. Someone needs to steer them in the right direction.

I need a pacifier…

My Milk Shakes

I’m so mad I could cry, “MOO-HOO-HOO!”  I’m so nervous my milk shakes. I know you gotta go thru udder space to get to the moooon, but when I talk to my agent, everything I say, goes in one ear and out the udder.

 

I went all the way to Moo York City to audition for this gig and they treated me like I was the Dairy Queen all the way. It was all very a-moooo-sing. Well now I know they are all full of bullogna! They give me such a headache, I need to take some moo-trin. Next time I’ll go to Mooami Beach instead.

Just because someone in a-cow-n-ting made a miscowculation; they want to milk me dry until I cowlapse.

I gotta find my juicy fruit! – Bossie

Cow Tipping – Is it real?

The following was taken directly from wikipedia. The content may or may not reflect my own personal opinion:

Cow tipping is an activity performed by sneaking up on an upright cow and pushing it over for fun. The popular explanation is that the cow should be sleeping; in reality cows do not sleep standing up.

According to popular belief, cows can easily be pushed over without much force because they are slow-moving, slow-witted and weak-legged, have a high-centre of gravity and sleep standing up. However, in reality, there are factors that make success in this effort very unlikely, which is why many have termed cow-tipping an urban legend.

A variety of calculations have been performed, sometimes with humorous intent, to determine if cow tipping is physically possible.  A study from the University of British Columbia concludes that cow tipping by a single person is impossible.

Full Story »

Website Visitor Count Exploding

I was extremely proud and surprised on May 29, 2008 when we had 413 visitors. I had no idea of what was in store. Just two days later (May 31, yesterday) we had 1,697 visitors in 24 hours. It must be true: people want to see this movie.

We are rapidly spreading to all parts of the globe.

Full Story »

Amazing Cow Facts

Looking for content for a cow blog, I naturally thought of resourcing cow facts. It’s surprising how much cow crap is out there. I’ve listed some of the more interesting facts below:

• The first cow in America arrived in Jamestown colony in 1611. Until the 1850′s, nearly every family had its own cow. The first regular shipment of milk by railroad was between Orange County, New York, and New York City and began in 1841.
• Cows are milked for an average of 3-4 years. A cow must have a calf in order to produce milk. Calves are fed milk until they are 8-9 weeks old.
• Cows are ruminants, which are cud chewing mammals. Sheep and camels also are ruminants. A cow chews her cud (regurgitated, partially digested food) for up to 8 hours each day.
• Contrary to popular belief, cows do not have 4 stomachs; they have 4 digestive compartments.
• A Holsteins spots are like fingerprints. No two cows have the same spots.
• A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.
• Cows produce up to 64qts of milk a day, 14lbs of cheese, 5 gallons of icecream or 6lbs of butter.
• The average cow produces 30lbs of urine and 65lbs pounds of cowpies daily.
• Cows drink 30 gallons of water a day.
• A cow doesn’t bite the grass that feeds her, she curls her tongue around it.

The giant 6ft cow that is as big as a small elephant

I’m not really sure if accompanying photo hasn’t had a little photoshopping done to it. According to all the news accounts I’ve heard, Chilli (sounds like Chili – why the English use two L’s I’m not sure) stands at 6′-6″ tall. That is around a foot and a half taller than the average cow.

I don’t know how Chilli was measured but I assume 6′-6″ is the hip height measurement as cattle are normally measured. Taking this into account, his handler, Tara Nirula, (which, by the way, sounds like a girl’s name) pictured by his side, must be around 4′-6″.

Chilli the giant bullock stands at 6ft 6ins and weighs well over a ton.

Not being a big man myself (5′-7″/110 lbs), I can definitely relate and applaud this man who can handle such a giant of a beast. His is the real news story.

Thanks to the Daily Mail for the photo.

Record High Hits

 On May 29, 2008 I was suprised to find out we had 413 visitors within a 24 hour time period. Our previous record high occured on May 22 when we received 268 visitors. Since launching www.cudthemovie.com on April 18, 2008 we’ve had 3,368 visitors.

We are still trying to put together financing for our film and we feel like if we can present an enormous list of visitors and guestbook signers, we can show that there is interest out there for Southern Horror Films. Help us get this movie made. Spread the word! Sign the guestbook. You really can be a part of “B” movie history.

“Cud” the Movie – Anagrams

Ever since I found out that “MR MOJO RISIN” was an anagram for Jim Morrison, I’ve been fascinated by them. A great anagram server can be found at: http://wordsmith.org/anagram/

Here are some select “Cud” the Movie anagrams:

• Device Mouth
• Evicted Oh Mu
• Voiced The Mu
• Vice Do The Mu
• Chive Toed Mu
• Vice Ed Mouth
• Covet Hide Mu
• Viced Mouthed
• Coveted Hi Mu
• Cued He Vomit

There are many more but these are the ones that really made an impression.

Guestbook Signers Reach 100

 “Boo-Boo” became the 100th signer on our guestbook today. And I quote: “ooooooooooohhhhh…swag…I like it.” I believe he’s referring to our new “Barnyard Sale”. If he get’s on the crew, I’m sure he’ll get some of it.

Some of the more notable guestbook quotes:

• Aliens, I seen ‘em – Marge
• Suddenly I find myself craving a big juicy steak……yum yum  – George Campbell Full Story »